The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
