he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
