Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
