I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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