he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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