my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
