I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
