dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
