We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it's like iHOP with fire
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
