i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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