Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
