what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
