We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
