'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
