The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
