it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
