I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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