my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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