she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
