8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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