His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
