No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
