I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
