My underwear smells like fireworks.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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