I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
