somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
