The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
