Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
