He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
