can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
