the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
