4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
