so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
