You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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