I'm going to jail i love you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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