I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
