I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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