Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize