there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
