i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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