First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
