I think I died a long time ago.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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