even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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