whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
