You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Your cock deserves a montage
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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