"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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