what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
