If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
