I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
