We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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