I want to have your abortion
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
