So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
