Having a random hookup so left but love u
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
