It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
