wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize