Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
