There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
