Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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