so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
