i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
