Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
