Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
