getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
