Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize