I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
