My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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