I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
