i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
