There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize