Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
